Living life one day at a time

I've had some few emotional days lately.
Wondering why this is happening to me, what did I deserve to not be able to conceive a child for my husband. Is it because were selfish and we've gone this long without kids so punish us...so many thoughts go through my head and I know I can't think negative I know that but I still do. Its hard not to. I sit there and think about my feelings and don't think how this is affecting my husband. He gets upset with me and tells me that the one thing I want so badly he can't give me. I never realized it hurt him just as much as it hurts me. I know I'm the one going to the doctor's offices and getting the results but we are a pair and what affects me affects him as well.

I just got off clomid for 5 days. I take it at night now so I sleep off the side effects. I go in on Friday for my ultrasound to check my follicles and hoping to do my 2nd IUI this weekend or early next week. And praying like never before that this is it...

I received a phone call out of the blue on Sunday. It was from a friend from high school that we talked over the years on Facebook but she ended up closing her account and I lost her number and couldn't get a hold of her. But then I ended up closing my Facebook account and another friend was worried about me so contacted her to find out if she heard from me. So she called me to see how I was doing. She knows I have been ttc for some time now and wanted to check in on me. I thought this was the nicest thing anyone has ever done. Not very often does someone call you to see how you were doing. Anyways, we talked for 45 mins and talked about her struggling ttc and getting pregnant twice and losing the babies to trying again and the struggles I've been going through. Its nice to talk to someone who is going through the same thing as you. Its hard to talk to someone who has no idea what it's like to struggle to get pregnant and have to explain all the different procedures and medications your doing or on. And I'm an emotional person anyways so to talk about this is difficult for me. I don't always share my feelings but no one besides my husband has no idea how bad I just want to become a mother and I can't. Being around children is difficult for me knowing I'm having such a hard time. Going to baby showers is even more difficult. I love all my nieces and nephews like you will never believe but I envy my sister, brother and sister in laws for being able to have children so easily. And they have no idea the struggles I've been through.